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Her fingers are stained with headlines
(From the newspaper
read hours before)
Her socks don’t match
(A lost form of art, she calls it)
She’s hidden her shoes
(One in each rabbit hole behind the shed)
The world stretches before her
The reality she sees
Day after day.
Simple as that. Just
Reality.
She tells herself she
doesn’t quite care for it.
(Like the way she doesn’t quite
Care for her shoes
Or matching socks)
Her headline stained fingers
Tap
Tap
Tap
The pencil on paper.
Eyes of a different color
Take in the world
Her mind translates
Twists
Reconfigures
The tangerine rays of sun
Summer painted
On her skin
Sugary sweet nectar
That is fresh iced tea
The way people should wear
Their socks
The silly rule of having to
Use shoes when one could
Feel the grass between their toes.
She puts it on paper
A mess of lines and shapes
But it all makes
sense to her.
Like the way
She artfully wears her socks
Or carefully hides her shoes.
---
QUESTIONS:
1. What do you think I could do to improve it?
2. Are any of the parts confusing or hard to understand? If so, where?
Posted by
Shelbyyy!
4 comments:
I really loved the beginning- clever lines. (the rabbit holes, socks etc.) but when you tend to bring the same lines back into the other parts of the poem, they seem out of place. I would suggest either working them in more, or taking them out.
1. what is the thing that changed your world exactly? art?
2. i actually think it's pretty clear. I like the tangerine sun part and iced tea...
Yeah, I agree with Cassia. The first lines are fantastic! I love the "Her fingers are stained with headlines/(From the newspaper/read hours before)." It's my favorite thing I've read all day.
I think you need to make clearer what exactly changed your life though, and try to avoid repeating the clever lines. Come up with new clever lines.
The line about iced tea was lovely, too. I love the detail. Perhaps add more really specific details?
i think the describing words were very nice for your poem. i also agree with Rebecca about making it more clear of your life thoughts,
but other wise i really liked it don't change a thing after that.
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