First off, if you can't find the capcha or comment button after you type your comment, select something and keep pressing tab. It'll show up.
Second off, this is sort of like an observation from afar and the nostalgic feeling of not stopping what was happening.
She was a butterfly,
(A monarch,
Perhaps.)
Wings of golden
Sunsets in the middle
Of August,
Tints of black,
Like vines, her dark side,
Curling.
The colours
Intertwining,
Making beauty.
He was a spider,
Fancy, with all those legs,
His arms around
Eight girls
All at once.
He ate them all up
Their being their happiness.
Until there were
none left.
The spider spunspunpun
With spindly limbs
And a tie around his neck
A web of words
Pretty words
Promising words
Betterlifebettertomorrow
LovenowLoveforever
The web lied
The spider pulled
Her in.
Cradling each wing
Soft and naïve
Covering the sunsets
Curing the black
With words.
And he ate her all up
Whilst whispering
Pretty
Pretty
Words.
--
Where do you think I could add some more detail (if you believe I need any)?
Do you think the word choice was good? Or was there too much repetition?
This layout is stupid, I'm sorry, but if you go to comment and you can't find the little "Post comment" button or can't do the capcha, click something so you're selecting it and press tab, it should show you it, then.
Her fingers are stained with headlines
(From the newspaper
read hours before)
Her socks don’t match
(A lost form of art, she calls it)
She’s hidden her shoes
(One in each rabbit hole behind the shed)
The world stretches before her
The reality she sees
Day after day.
Simple as that. Just
Reality.
She tells herself she
doesn’t quite care for it.
(Like the way she doesn’t quite
Care for her shoes
Or matching socks)
Her headline stained fingers
Tap
Tap
Tap
The pencil on paper.
Eyes of a different color
Take in the world
Her mind translates
Twists
Reconfigures
The tangerine rays of sun
Summer painted
On her skin
Sugary sweet nectar
That is fresh iced tea
The way people should wear
Their socks
The silly rule of having to
Use shoes when one could
Feel the grass between their toes.
She puts it on paper
A mess of lines and shapes
But it all makes
sense to her.
Like the way
She artfully wears her socks
Or carefully hides her shoes.
---
QUESTIONS:
1. What do you think I could do to improve it?
2. Are any of the parts confusing or hard to understand? If so, where?