First off, if you can't find the capcha or comment button after you type your comment, select something and keep pressing tab. It'll show up.
Second off, this is sort of like an observation from afar and the nostalgic feeling of not stopping what was happening.
She was a butterfly,
(A monarch,
Perhaps.)
Wings of golden
Sunsets in the middle
Of August,
Tints of black,
Like vines, her dark side,
Curling.
The colours
Intertwining,
Making beauty.
He was a spider,
Fancy, with all those legs,
His arms around
Eight girls
All at once.
He ate them all up
Their being their happiness.
Until there were
none left.
The spider spunspunpun
With spindly limbs
And a tie around his neck
A web of words
Pretty words
Promising words
Betterlifebettertomorrow
LovenowLoveforever
The web lied
The spider pulled
Her in.
Cradling each wing
Soft and naïve
Covering the sunsets
Curing the black
With words.
And he ate her all up
Whilst whispering
Pretty
Pretty
Words.
--
Where do you think I could add some more detail (if you believe I need any)?
Do you think the word choice was good? Or was there too much repetition?
Posted by
Shelbyyy!
1 comments:
1. I think the detail was very good. i love the first lines about the sunset.
2. I think the word choice was good and it flowed very nicely and i don't think it was too repetitive <--(spelling? lol?.
not quite sure what this poem was about but it was FANTASTIC!! LOL
Post a Comment